Thursday, February 10, 2011

milani gems & a craptastic story

A week or so ago, a lovely lady on MUA made a thread asking about blogs.  I messaged her and gave her my link to check mine out and we got to talking about the hunt of long wanted polishes, etc.  I told her about one I’ve been searching for at stores but haven’t come across and she just so happened to have it, and not care for it.  Fast forward to today and it’s here!  She sent a “bonus” polish along with it, which is what I am showing you today.

Never had a particular desire for Milani “Gems” but I am really happy she decided to throw it in there.  My cuticles and nails are truthfully a hot mess from the damage of this week between working at the daycare, the constant washing and being too exhausted by the end of the day to even try and paint them nicely.

“Gems” is such a quick solution to all those problems!  I shlapped on about 6 or 7 coats, to make it as visually opaque as possible without creating a visible buildup of depth.  It’s so friggin’ flashy, it disguises craptastic cuticles in a second!

I've never owned, nor wore, anything remotely similar to this polish before.  Look at me!! I'm outside my comfort zone!

Such a little show-stealer (=

Reminds me a little of Little Italy in NYC.

So, I have a story that I feel obligated to share.  It’s ridiculously disgusting, which is even more reason to share.  Anybody with a child probably won’t be fazed, but I’ve never had this happen to me before and I’ve been working around children and daycares for nearly 7 years at this point in my life.

Infant room teacher has the flu and since I am a substitute and have no classes on Thursdays I said I would cover.  I was especially excited because I love the infant room and have so much fun with the babies.  Anyways, there were supposed to be 4 infants but one was a no-show, so I had 3 babies under my watch.  Two were initially terrified of my unfamiliar face but quickly warmed up; more so than their weary “who the fack are you?” parents.  I understand you don’t know me, but the second you walk out the door your kiddies will forget and be fine.  (A lot of the parents who have older children are very familiar with me because I used to be fulltime there, the new babies parents are rightfully skeptical of a new face!)

Anyways, I don’t know these kids schedules by heart. Everything was typed up by the teacher who was out.  So I was following a tentative schedule that really might as well have been a diaper because these babies were soooooo doing their own thing today!

We are supposed to change diapers every two hours, but check in between for poo and if we notice they need a changing (pee or the poops) we do it.  Anyway I felt this 3-month-old’s diaper and she was dry.  I took her out of a bouncer and put her on the mat for some tummytime.  I got up and walked to the sink and she went balls-to-the-wall ballistic on me.  I went over and picked her up and decided to change her diaper because she felt wet all of sudden.

Oh, it was beyond “wet”.  She had just been changed 45 minutes prior and technically wasn’t due for a changing, but there really is no technical aspects to a baby so I should have seen this coming.  And then it happened. I got the whiff of a lifetime.  I am so used to poop at this point but holy hell was this a dump.

All of a sudden, my hand is wet (I’m still holding her.)  UGH.  Crap all over my hand. Crap all over the baby. Crap all over my shirt.  This little peanut of a baby has crapped through her onesie and her outfit onto my hand.  So I lay her on the changing table and realize the paper towels are out of reach as well as the sink.  I can’t leave her unattended and I don’t want anymore crap on my shirt so I ended up putting a glove over my hand which at this point still has poo on it.(I bet that's GREAT for cuticles!)

She’s in a pleasant mood since releasing the dump-of-all-dumps and is squirming and giggling, so getting her clothes off was like solving a labyrinth with no eyesight and a hangover.  They needed to be pulled over her head (since baby clothes designers decided THAT is the most convenient tactic for infant clothes removal!) and obviously they’re COVERED in crap.  That all took a solid 5 minutes.  Finally I have her nakie and I’m wiping her down and used nearly ½ a pack of wipes but really had no other choice.  So shes laying there all giggly and nakie and I reached up to grab her bin to get a new outfit for her.

I look down.. I’m not even making this up, she has pissed all over the changing table.  And now her head is soaked.  Now the other baby in the room realizes she’s due for a bottle.  And the third baby took her socks off and went to town on her eczema.  (Luckily she didn’t break the skin this time because I was able to catch it in time by calling for help.)  it’s like they mentally radioed each other for those 15 minutes and decided just screw with me.

It was a straight scene out of a movie.  I've never, ever, had any scenario come remotely close to this one.  One screaming hungry baby, one itching feverously in a panic and the third literally rolling around in pee.  Still, I couldn’t pick up the baby because I didn’t want to destroy my clothes anymore.  I was able to get a teacher from another room to feed the hungry baby and put socks back on the itchy baby while I cleaned up the damage from bladder control baby. 

The whole entire ordeal lasted about 25 minutes.  Between sanitizing the changing table twice and bagging up multiple soiled outfits, having to cool down the bottle that was now over heated for hungry baby.. holy jeez.  On top of all this, there was a tour arriving at 4:15 for parents interested in the infant room.  All I could do was laugh.  You have to in a situation where you’re being tag teamed by a bunch of infants.


  1. so happy you like them. :)

    the baby story is horrible though but seriously, kudos to you for working with the kiddos. i still don't think i have the patience. luckily the bf does (he worked at a child care center) for after we get married and decide to have kids lol

  2. lol at your story Ive been there i had to teach english to a class of 24 3-6 year olds and it was crazy! one trying to pull my pants down the others cursing punching eachother crying saying they want water or they want me to put their jacket on saying mommyy mommmyyy screaming jumping on the tables throwing toys everywhere all at the same time...that job didnt last me long it was horrible, and i had 0 expericence with kids ever when i started!

  3. OMG I am crying because I'm laughing so hard at your post. I know it wasn't funny at the time, but c'mon...your recount of the 25 minutes of hell was frakkin hilarious! I especially like how you said they all "mentally radioed" each other. *breathe* Thank you for sharing this - I had a crap of a day! Though not *near* as satisfying as that gigantic poo must've been to that little girl.

  4. PS - I shared this post on FB because we can all use a good laugh.

  5. Shit like this (pun intended) is why I freaking love babies. They're always doing things like that. LOL.

  6. @ Ann- seriously, thank you so much :D bless your BF and his patience too, thats not the most common quality in a man, congrats to you hehe!

    @Alex- pull YOUR pants down? ohhh man you gotta start small, 24 kids?! holy hell!!

    @Megan- LOL glad i could brighten someones day with my shitty one hehe. and no problem maybe this story is the best form of birth control HA

    @ChaosButterfly- haha love a pun xD love babies, not so much poop

  7. Love the glitteh and loved the story. Thanks to Megan sharing this so I could find you.

  8. omg cat i just died 20 times over reading that story. im laughing so hard im tearing. im SO sorry that it was you that it happened too but holy crap that was hilarious *still recovering*

  9. HAHAHAHA! Your post made me laugh. But I know what you mean I had the same thing happen to me a few weeks ago with my niece it was the most smelliest thing I had ever smelled in my life. Lets just leave it to that. ;)